He Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

One thing is for sure when he says he doesn’t want a relationship, something is wrong, he’s not feeling it for some reason. You probably have a million questions for him. You want to know why. Is there someone else? Does he want to date other women? Is it something you did? Can you fix it? Why won’t he try and work it out?

The fact of the matter is you can’t convince a guy to be in a relationship with you when he says he doesn’t want a relationship. He has to feel it and words won’t make him feel it for you. Maybe he just got scared, who knows, but when a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship with you, for the moment, you have to believe him. The more you question, convince, bargain, the further away you will push him.

It’s a good chance that he felt smothered, or he felt you were getting too serious too fast. One thing that triggers this is when the woman begins to give, when he hasn’t even asked her to.  When a woman does this, the man knows she is expecting a commitment, probably sooner rather than later. He knows she is beginning to invest, sometimes this happens before he feels the same. This is acting as  girlfriend, when he hasn’t claimed you as one.

Men like a challenge. If he was coming on strong and you just fell right into the role of couple hood, his challenge may have ended too soon and he became bored.  At first he was feeling it, but when you start clinging or doing too much, he begins to feel it’s not so much fun anymore.

How to Ignite His Desire for You!

The last man to tell me he didn’t want a relationship with me I believed him. How you react to this can determine if he will or will not come back around. If you hold on tighter, he is not going to ever be yours. When I was told that, I was prepared. I felt the distance before hand. I replied in agreement, not what he expected. He expected drama.

When he says he doesn’t want a relationship, agree with him. Tell him that you understand, he can’t help what he does or doesn’t feel. Yes, you are disappointed, but you deserve a man who does know what he wants and a man who is able to be in a relationship with you. Thank him for his honesty and letting you go to find what you deserve, then shut him down. Go no contact.

This will get his attention. He is used to women trying to fix it, not a woman who is taking care of her own heart. His respect for you will shot through the roof. I know this is hard, but it’s the only way to get his attention, do the unpredictable. Let him walk away, and you do the same with feminine grace.  If he comes back around, great, if he doesn’t, know that you will be fine.  This knowing about yourself gives you power.

How To Read Men Now!

What happens during this no contact stage is he starts wondering what you are doing. Did he not mean that much to you? His imagination becomes your best weapon if you want him back. The mystery is back, you are once again a challenge. The last man that told me this and I agreed and gracefully walked away stayed gone for over a month. He did come back. I didn’t keep him, but that’s not the point is it?

When a man tells you he isn’t ready for a relationship or he doesn’t want a relationship,what he really usually means is he doesn’t want a relationship with you or just isn’t sure.  Don’t’ push it, respect his wishes.  Pushing to get what you want if you really think about it is quite selfish.   It shows him you may not really respect him as a man.



What Men Secretly Want

21 Responses to “He Says He Doesn’t Want a Relationship”

  1. joyce says:

    I dated a guy for 3weeks now….and he told me beforehand that he doesnt want a relationship.we agreed…no commitments.yesterday we argued about sending messages.and later on…he told me to stop contacting him til next week.I said fine! And I even said bye.after an hour….I saw his missed call and he left a message saying”talk to you next week”.just wondering why…..should I just wait? But im missing him so bad…

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Why are you contacting him? He said he didn’t want a relationship, so that is your clue to not pursue as that will make him feel like you didn’t hear him and that you do want a relationship. When a guy tells you to stop contacting him for any length of time, chances are good you have annoyed him. Leave him be and let him contact you please or you risk looking desperate.

  2. vernoreen says:

    hi everyone

    well with me I met this guy got his number and told him I want t get to know him he wa excited cause he also was looking to get to know me.

    so chatted for a while until he told me aftertwo weeks he cant give me what i want as his not redy for a relationship and that maybe we should leave one another alone i went crazy

    the next day i texted him told him im sorry i pushed him that far and that we should be friends and we agreed

    now we are friends but we flirt and stuff not sure what to do we hvent met up or went on a date i really want t get to know him should i not contact him for a while see if he gets back to me first what do i do please help

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      He has told you that he can’t give you what you want, so believe him. Here is where women set themselves up for heartbreak. They refuse to believe it when a guy isn’t on the same page and they keep hanging on hoping he really didn’t mean it. What you do is keep your options open and keep dating others.

  3. g says:

    I was seeing this guy for about a month or so and I made the mistake of rushing him and acting needy when that wasn’t my intention at all. Instead of just enjoying our time together, I can see now how it felt like pressure to him.
    He eventually said that he wasn’t ready for anything and now we hardly speak.
    I haven’t been begging or trying to talk to him but I sent him a short email maybe 2weeks ago just saying “sorry if i made you feel bad in anyway, our time together was special but I can sense that you don’t want to carry on getting to know each other anymore so I’ll leave you alone for the mean time. If you need me, I’m here for you”. (Something along those lines).

    He then contacted me saying that he just didn’t want to cause any trouble and that he thought he made me say things that I didn’t want to. He said he “still likes me but was put off with the whole idea and stuff”.
    I said “I just wanted to spend time together and have a good time together” and he said “that’s what I wanted too”. I then said ” well do you still want that” to which he replied ” of course, your a lovely girl why wouldn’t I”

    Then hardly nothing, he contacted me about a week ago after a few days silence saying “Hello, How are you”?. I replied back later the next day as it was late. He hasn’t texted me back at all and it’s been a week. I can also see that he’s read it.
    Why would he contact me and then when i reply, he ignores it? What should I do and how do you gain back a guy’s interest once you have messed up?

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      He is checking to see if you are still there waiting on the back burner for him. The only thing you can do is stay in no contact. Anything else you do will just make it obvious that you are still more invested in him than he is into you.

  4. g says:

    Yea your right! In general, I never got the impression that he is one of those guys who like to play games as hes told me before he doesn’t do it. He’s the opposite, like if you go no contact or play hard to get for example, then he will take it as if the girl is not interested and move on. He’s actually a really nice person but anyway, I will stay no contact because that’s all I can do really, I do still like him but I value myself more to not make contact.
    It was only like a month or 2 that we were seeing each other, is that even enough time for someone to still remember you/miss you?

    PS. Your advice is great Robin and so is your videos. Your my favorite in terms of relationship advice on the net :)

  5. [...] is the slippery slope here.  Often these men say they don’t want a relationship any longer but would still like to see you.  You continue to see him which means to him that you [...]

  6. Cindy says:

    I have dated my boyfriend for 4 years&6months we broke up a month ago and on Valentines day he asked me out on a date which I accepted too. He opens up to me about how he feels towards me, he is still in love with me! He says he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now, because the problems we had and the problems he had to deal with. I told him we can start over again not in the bad relationship were left off. I told him that then why does he still try to make me happy, text me every morning, think of me, miss me, find things only me n him can do as a couple if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.He said “fine then i’ll stop all of this ok bye”. I just wrote “You can try to stop but you can’t because your heart will feel what it wants and you can try to deny your feelings is just going to hurt you!”

    By the way we broke up because he started hanging out with friends and started doing things behind my back. I told him I could look pass that just because I am a fair person and I did things behind his back too. He first blamed me for not being mature about the relationship, and that to him I still wanted to “do my own thing”, when in reality it was him!. Our break up is very confusing, because he said things and would take it back or change his mind. About 2 weeks ago he stood me up for the first time after 4 years and I told him off, so he told me I was nothing to him anymore& there was nothing between us and a week later he said he did not mean it, that he just got upset and said it because I didn’t let him explain himself! &that I meant everything to him! (this is one of many of things he said! and I just feel like he is not sure about his own decision because he says he does not want a relationship yet acts like he does)

    please help me! I don’t know what to do,
    I stopped talking to him.

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Go in no contact and visit my forum on here. Post your comment there and I assure you that you will get lots of helpful insight.

  7. jesie says:

    Hi I have been dealing with similar issues with a guy I’ve been dating four years we started out as friends and had known each other two years prior and everything was cool but then we started sleeping together he was single and so was I so after a year I started to catch feelings for him and I asked him about a relationship. And his first. Reaction was well sir i got slot going on right now and I have issues but if I were ready for a relationship you would be the perfect girl for me so I took that as a sign to fall back and withdraw so with me doing that we still hung out only when in a group of friends but when a another guy trust to talk to me there is him blocking and getting upset So fattest we had stop talking for a year and the he hit me up saying he missed me and wanted to see so I met up with him and he asked why we stop talking an d I told him bcuz he didn’t want a relationship. And has since then started dating again but he wen he talks about his future he uses the we term anso I am confused as to what he wants bcuz he says he doesn’t want a relationship. But he keeps contacting me saying I’m the only girl he’s sleeping with but he does tell me about the other girls he has dated I REALLY NEED HELP UNDERSTANDING THIS GUY SHOULD I WALK AWAY OR CONTINUE. TO BE PATIENT. AND DATE OTHERS ASWELL

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      By all means yes date others. When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, he means it. If you are sleeping with him he has the best of both worlds. he has zero motivation to step it up as long as you accept this relationship on his terms.

  8. Tracy says:

    I am living with my ex, lost my job a few years ago when my son (not his) started having issues in school. I recently started making money again and am saving to move out… So I met this gym a couple years ago and we started talking and sort of had a little fling (after my ex and I broke up) but then he asked me what I wanted from him, what was I expecting, I told him nothing and that I enjoyed our time together. Shortly after he said he was going through some family stuff and needed to be alone, I told him I respected that and we didn’t talk for a while unless we ran into each other in public and we would smile and say hi… A few months ago he sent me a message and we started talking again, he said he just wants a friendship and maybe just for fun stuff, I said that was ok with me for now…
    So it started maybe once every couple weeks and now at least twice a week he comes over and we will sit and talk for a few hours and then end up having a little fun, but it seems to have changed… The way he looks at me, he wants to snuggle and hold hands and comes by just to spend quiet time with me holding me, no fun stuff. We have gone out together once and are again this weekend, in public where we both know a few people, we sit together but no pda. He says he likes me a lot and he respects me and my living situation.
    Should I stick this out and keep it going? I love the way he makes me feel and always makes sure I’m happy… Is it possible that he could be falling for me and there could be something more later on? Why are men so confusing and conflicting?

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      You are in a friends with benefits situation. He has told you he just wants friendship, so for now, take him at his word. He really has no motivation to seek more as he has the best of both worlds now. I suggest you visit my forum and post this question there to get a lot of good feedback.

  9. Anna says:

    Hi my bf broke up with me after we moved in for about a year. This year was our 10th anniversary. I thought me cooking and cleaning would show him I was a dedicated gf and would make a great wife.

    Instead, he broke up with me. He said he wasnt himself and he didn’t know who he was or was at the time and place (we dated from when we turned 19. we are now 30). He said he needed to have a career and really be alone for a while.

    He said he loved me and cared for me but he couldn’t be the man I needed now (a husband and financial equal). He said he needed to let me go. He said he could be making the biggest mistake of his life, but he hated watching me hurt. He said he needed time. and if he came back he would be more than ready to continue onto a higher commitment with me. If he said I met someone, then he would lose his chance.

    He said he didn’t want me to wait… and no, he is not seeing anyone else and he won’t for a long time.

    what does this mean?

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      It means exactly what he said it means. he is breaking up with you. He knows he isn’t in the same place as you so he is leaving to avoid leading you on further or hurting you more. You cooking and cleaning and showing him you would be a great wife probably drove this home to him even more. He was very aware that you wanted something more than he did. I commend him for setting you free and not stringing you along.

  10. [...] may not know what he wants but he does know that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.  If a guy tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants, chances are good he has [...]

  11. Charlene says:

    Hi guys. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now. We met last week of January 2014. But anyways. This guy kept texting me every single day. He would text me good morning messages everyday, he wouldn’t miss a single day. He would always text me throughout the day, he would tell me where he is, what he is doing at work, when he is out with his friends, and when he’s home and when he’s off to sleep and such. He would even tell me his agenda when he has his days off and what his plans are. And also not only that, he would ask me out once a week, he would make sure we hang out once a week when he has his days off. He usually gets 3 or 4 days off, but he makes sure to spend one of those days with me. But here’s the thing though, whenever we hang out, we’d only hang out for like 3-4 hours maximum. But we’ve gone out to kayaking, watching movies, mostly lunch, we’ve gone out to dinner once, and he took me shooting as well. We’ve never slept together but I’ve been to his places multiple times, we’d only kiss and make out, nothing further though. He’d try to unbutton my shirt and would stop kissing me and would nicely ask me to leave. I’d think that he’s such a gentleman for spending time with me without having sex and the fact that it’s been 6 months already. But anyways, I’ve kept my distance from this guy before because I didn’t wanna fall for this guy too hard, but he would always reach out to me. He’d always keep texting me and ask me what my schedule looks like. Obviously, I would think that this guy is interested. I mean I’ve dated guys before and if they’re not into the girl, they wouldn’t even bother wasting their time or hang with them, you know. But this guy seems different. We hung out on Sunday to watch the World Cup. He asked me on Friday what I was doing on the weekend and he suggested to watch the World Cup with him, and I said sure. So when Sunday came, he told me that the game starts at 3 and not to forget. So we went to watch the game, and went back to his place for a bit and we talked and kissed. He asked me to leave nicely because he said he had to call his parents and he’s gonna have to do some homework later that night. I got a little confused because why can’t he call his parents when I’m around or you know, ask me to sleep over, or even hang out with me more just like being lazy. So I did leave his place without kissing him, he said “No goodbye kiss, I see how it is”, so I went back and gave him a kiss. When I got home, he texted me saying he just finished talking to his parents and he was about to grab some dinner. My friends would always tell me to ask this guy where we are standing and where it’s going. I would always tell my friends that I’d want to enjoy his company at first and just wait for the right time to ask, I didn’t wanna rush things at first. But then it came to the point that I couldn’t hold it off anymore and that I just needed to ask. It’s like every time I see him and hang out with him, I just find myself falling for him and I couldn’t stop it. So I did popped the question and asked him “So where do you think this is going?”, I texted it to him. And I got a reply saying “I like hanging with you a lot but not relationship ready”. Boom. I was kinda prepared for his answer but I was hurt as well. I felt like he led me on. I mean, com’on. Why would he ask me out once a week? Why would he always kiss me when we’re out and wrap his arms around me when we’re out? Why would he waste his time texting good morning every single day and texting me all day everyday? And why would he even waste his time? Why would he do that if he just wanted to be friends? I just don’t get it. But anyways, when he said that he wasn’t relationship ready. I walked away and texted him “It was nice knowing you”. And he asked if I wanted to stay friends, and I just replied with “No sorry, have a good one”. And he just replied with “Ok…. Nice knowing you too!”. It’s been three days now that we haven’t texted each other and this is actually the first time since the day we’ve met that we are going no contact. It is pretty hard because we got use to the habit of seeing each other’s text on our phones but I have to do what I’ve gotta do. Now I am hurting, I am sad because I miss him and that he only sees me as a friend, and I’m mad. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      He has told you where you stand, now you must believe him. He didn’t lead you on so no reason to be mad at him. He didn’t make you promises. Hanging out and spending time with someone does not equal wants a relationship. You went along with it, so that really makes you just as guilty of leading him on to think you were okay with casual.

  12. Helen says:


    I was seeing this guy for a month and we both initiated a lot of plans and we saw eachother 2-3times a week for the month. He was always very affectionate but also told he’s not really sure what he’s looking for. last week, he freaked out and told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship the way I am. I took it calmly and told him I agreed. He jokes and said we’d just take it casual. Last night, we made plans to have dinner. Everything was going so well until he told me he think it’s best that we end things because he’s always been the monogamous long term relationship guy and he never got to see what else is out there. He wants to date around and since dating me is going so well he feels like he is falling back into the monogous mode. he doesnt want to feel like he’s missing out in life. I know it’s only been a month but considering how often we saw eachother I was falling fast and that really hurt me. He said we should be friends but is unsure if I can handle it. I really like him and now I don’t know what to do… as a friend I told him to do whatever makes him happy but as me I am upset with his decision. I didnt beg but I did ask him to reconsider… should I just leave him be?

    • Robin in Carolina says:

      Give him his space. You can’t force a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one. I would not stay friends with him. That makes his transition into single life easy while prolonging yours.

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