How Does No Contact Work
I could write a dissertation on the no contact rule or how does no contact work after a break up. No contact with your ex can be your saving grace. It can make the difference as to if you heal or if in fact you do reconcile with your ex. Many argue with me, say their situation is different. We all think our situation is unique and different. It’s really not.
I will say this though. You should still follow the no contact rule for this one reason. When you are going through a break up, you are ruled by emotions. Decisions made from an emotional place rarely have a happy ending. It makes it worse and digs us in a deeper hole. Remove the source of your pain. The one who dumped you is the source of your pain. Get him out of the picture until you are in control of your emotions again. React out of emotions and chances are very good you will regret it and feel shame when you get in control again.
I still remember the slap in my face that pulled me out of my emotional self and into no contact. My ex told me I was acting like a love sick school girl. It woke me up fast. He was right, I was. Everything I was saying and doing was coming from a place of my pain. In my emotional dealings I had managed to accomplish the last thing that I had wanted. I had portrayed myself in a very unattractive light and managed to place responsibility for my happiness onto him.
No emails sharing your soul felt feelings, talking about your pain or what went wrong. No texts, no phone calls, no drive by, no facebook stalking no smoke signals, not even a pigeon. Nothing, nada, zilch. That is the no contact rule. This is the only way.
Many think that the no contact rule will get their ex back and while that does happen at times, it’s not the purpose of no contact. No contact is more about getting yourself back and getting your emotions under control. Once our emotions are under control, we tend to begin to see things we did not see before. Often we realize how much self sacrificing we actually did inside of that relationship that just ended. It’s a chance to find you again for often we lost ourselves in a relationship!
Why Does No Contact Work?
No contact removes the source of pain from your life and allows you to begin to heal. If you continue to communicate, you are going to have emotional turmoil and constant reminders. You are just prolonging the pain. Remember a time when you were single and happy. This time of no contact will allow you to regain your independence and be happy with you. It allows you to build your confidence back up. If you are seeking reconciliation, an unhappy, non confident person is useless to their partner.
Also right after a break up, your mind replays things over and over. You wonder what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. You want answers. These things are coming from your emotional self. When acting or doing anything from this place of emotions, you still may not gain clarity. Give your emotions enough time to simmer down.
No contact can serve another purpose if you are seeking reconciliation. It can send a wake up call to your ex and they make second guess their decision to end the relationship. While there are no guarantees that you will get your ex back, chances are better if you vanish from their life that they will miss you. Don’t expect it to happen in a few days or even weeks, it takes time for an ex to evaluate the loss.
If you have an ex that wants to remain friends, chances are its because they don’t want to lose you completely. Without no contact, rest assured that once your ex is back on their feet (because you helped them by offering your friendship) they will be on their way and your friendship will be non existent. No contact is a much smarter option than remaining friends. Being friends causes you pain and allows your ex to heal quicker. No contact causes your ex pain and allows you to heal quicker.
Bob Grant talks in detail in his book, Get Your Ex Back about no contact. He explains why it is so necessary to move forward or if you are planning to reconcile and answer your question, does no contact work.
It is very important that once you make this decision to go into no contact that you stick to it. If you waver back and forth you are sending the signal to your ex that you are weak and are still available to them. They will not take you seriously. Sometimes a surprising thing comes out of no contact. Once they are out of your life and the healing begins, your emotions get under control and you see things differently. You may discover that they were not the one for you after all and that other more promising possibilities await you.
Are your friends sick of hearing you talk about your ex? Do you feel like you are a burden to them. You can join women going through the same heartache as you and get live support and find out that that no contact does in fact work here.