How to date online you ask. The key lies in proper screening. Almost all dating disasters can be avoided with proper screening, yet many women dismiss this step. Even the most savvy woman may often skip this step. If you want to know how to date online from some of the most experienced and savvy daters, read on. It’s all in the screening. I will be sharing some real life advice today from real women.
So, here’s the lowdown of how to date online
First though, let’s take the woman dating online who mailed me this dating issue.
I have been chatting with this guy online about 6 weeks. He goes days sometimes not answering or ignoring me, but when he does, he is so sweet. He says he wants to get to know me. How can I get him to ask me out? Do you think he is just scared.
My Answer is stop right there. Your first job is to screen. Do you really want to go out with a guy who thinks it’s okay to ignore you. If you accept a guy like this, a few months down the road you will be mailing me again asking me how to get him to stop ignoring you. When screening for a partner who has good relationship potential, this one does not make the cut. It’s onto the next and forget him. That’s how to date online.
I really could go on and on about how to date online but I am going to share a very savvy woman’s online dating screening strategy. She is an active member on my forum. We call her Happy Heart. She sums up this screening process beautifully in her reply to a young man who had dared to enter our site (all women) seeking advice on his online dating profile. I was blown away. You can read more comments from savvy women that know how to date online here in this thread on my forum.
I say first that I am in Oz and that online dating here is a different flavour to online dating in the states. However, I do have some insight into the mind of the female online dater. I (and my sister) are veteran online daters Blush We both have very strong personalities, are reasonably attractive and have high powered careers. We are most often located in the top 100 women on that site.
Our desires in a partner are considerably different to the desires of a number of our friends. We are also clearly not going to be a good match for a number of men. So our profiles and our method of dealing with potential dates is tailored to reflect our personalities and appeal to the sort of people that we would be more likely to be attracted to. Blush When I am actively pursuing online dating I accept 30 men to talk to. The others are queued until one or more of those initial 30 drop out of the race. I do not have time to write essays to men and don’t enjoy slogging through correspondence in essay form. My friends and some of the people I work with generally talk to between 6-14 men at the same time. That’s a LOT of correspondence so we do tend to cut some corners.
I will glance at profiles but only at the:
1. Photograph – I don’t really focus on looks BUT if there is another woman that has obviously been cut out of it then I refuse automatically. She may be his friend or his sister but unless that is explained directly below in the photograph caption I will assume that she is his ex and that it’s the most recent photo of him (ie. they only broke up last week) or he hasn’t been bothered to take a new photograph of himself for his online dating profile. Not cool. I have gone on more than enough dates with men that recently broke up or are in the “off” period of an on/off relationship. This sort of photo was a common trend between them and I see it as a red flag now.
2. First paragraph – I want to see how he handles the first awkward opening paragraph and sells himself. Confidence, humor and intelligence will often craft an excellent first paragraph. That is attractive, intriguing and downright sexy.
3. Height. Enough said. Lots of men lie about their height but I know how tall I am and if he is shorter than me then he is probably going to hate the stiletto heals I love wearing. I haven’t met a man yet that hasn’t had a problem with it even though they initially swore that it didn’t matter to them. It did.
His first email to me is crucial to determining if I will continue contact or agree to meet him. It needs to be witty and it can’t be the length of an essay and sound like a generic email he sends every woman he initiates contact with. You’d be amazed how many times I have gotten an essay of their life story which sounds completely cut and paste! Not fun or interesting to read through. I wish they would save their life story for if we meet up.
It’s only if I agree to meet him (which will need to happen within two or three emails otherwise NEXT!) that I will probably skim read the entire profile…on my phone…while I am running to meet him Blush This is because I have nothing invested in this man at this stage. I assume he is talking to just as many women as I am talking to men. It’s only if things progress after a number of dates and the guy asks for exclusivity (that I am comfortable enough to give at that stage) that I will take down my profile. I know that my sister operates the same way as have the vast majority of my friends (a number of whom did meet their husbands online ).
Now…that sounds like a huge story that has no point right? My point is that this is how online dating looks from my perspective and you need to consider how your ‘ideal’ man would look at your profile? Are you looking to appeal to the widest range of men or to the ones that you stand the best chance of ‘clicking’ with?
Need I say anymore about how to date online? I you want to dig a bit deeper, get that leading edge and stand out from the crowd then I can highly recommend Michael Fiore’s Online Allure Formula. Make the most of every opportunity.