You’ve had a break up and your emotions are every where, all over the map. This is what you have to get under control and the key to getting your ex back. Your emotions will cause you to do things that are only going to push your ex further away from you. If you want him back, you have got to get these emotions under control.
Right now you are probably thinking all kinds of things. If only you could make him understand, if only you could talk to him, if only you could tell him how you feel. Maybe then you could get him back. These things will not help you get him back. You must understand that it’s your pain that is causing this. Your natural reaction to this is to fix it. You think if you could just get him to listen, maybe you could convince him to come back. Recognize this as you seeking instant relief which will not bring you long term satisfaction. This will not bring him back.
What do you do when you want him back so much?
Men don’t do emotions very well at all. They don’t do the feeling thing so eagerly either. Men avoid pain, feelings and emotions at all costs. If a man experiences you showing all of those emotions, trying to talk, he feels pain or discomfort. He doesn’t want to go there, not yet anyway. He will avoid you to the best of his ability. Also when he sees all of those emotions coming to the surface, he is very possibly reminded of why he may have broken up with you in the first place. Could he have been feeling somehow responsible for your happiness on some level you were not aware of? What ever you do, don’t remind him of that by wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Words don’t work on men, they work on women. You can’t make a man feel things with words. You can’t get him back with words. You can’t get him back by making him feel pain. Remember men avoid pain. If you want him back, you can’t remind him he ever felt pain with you.
If you want him back, you have to make him feel safe. The only way to do this is to show him that you won’t get all emotional on him. This means doing nothing really. This means you can’t call, text or email him. It means you have to go into no contact. This will not only allow you time to get your emotions under control, but also tell him by your lack of actions that you are under control even if you aren’t. If you are calling, begging, bargaining, whatever, you are showing him you are not in control and it is not safe to talk to you. This wont get him back. If you don’t understand the no contact rule, research it here. It’s priceless if you are trying to get your ex back.
On the other hand if you remain silent, he starts to wonder. His imagination goes to work. Wow, he thinks, is she over me? You are giving him the opposite of what he was expecting and also showing him you are in control of yourself because you can refrain from contact. Now once his imagination goes to work, chances are pretty good that he will make contact eventually. Patience though dear, this is not going to happen in a few days, it could take a couple months for all of this to sink in. Remember, he is not a woman, he thinks and processes differently. Patience is another thing you must have if you want him back.
If you want your ex back, the first and most critical step is to get those emotions under control so that he will feel safe to contact you. When he does contact you, again, you can’t get all emotional on him. Remember the goal is to make him feel safe. Once he feels safe, he is more apt to open up to you and will be more ready to listen to your feelings. If you force them on him too early when he isn’t open to it, you will not get your ex back.
Think of this as long term satisfaction. That is what you want. That instant gratification or showing of emotions is temporary and will not get him back.