What is the reason the no contact rule works?
It’s really quite simple and it’s a lot about human nature. Applying the no contact rule after a breakup gives both parties a chance to calm the emotions. I am sure you have heard that it is never a good idea to react from a place of emotion. You simply can’t trust yourself because you have shut your brain off and can’t see reason when you are in pain from a break up. The pain from a break up does not end in just a few days or weeks. It takes time.
In the beginning of a break up, the emotions run high. The main focus is on what went wrong and the bad feelings. The party that initiated the breakup may feel anger. The most recent thing on their mind is the bad stuff and reasons for the breakup. Note here that many relationships just aren’t meant to be reconciled. Others though often can be after a period of no contact. Forget that 30 day no contact rule. Thirty days is not the magic number. Most couples that get back together with success do so months, even years down the road.
You see over time, after the emotions calm, one really does tend to start remembering the good feelings and the bad feelings take a back seat. It’s just human nature. If you have recently broken up and you remain in contact all you are doing is reminding them of the bad times because it is the freshest in their minds. They may also begin to question the ways that they had contributed to the demise of a relationship after time has passed. It is rare that this happens just weeks after a breakup. If you are hoping to get back together after a brief period of no contact it may likely be for all the wrong reasons.
A wise woman on my forum said this best. “Right now, you are feeling sad, and missing him, so if you were to try and get him back into your life, you would be doing so from a place of weakness (lonely and missing him), as opposed to a place of strength (your life is great, and you’ve decided that having him back in it would add even more value).” I can’t say it any better than this.
The no contact rule works because it gives both of you time to process and get some self control. How effective do you think you will be crying and asking those million questions you have in your mind. Not very, I promise you that. After a break up you just don’t have the self control that you would need to reconcile from a healthy place. Many find after their heads have cleared that they really don’t want their ex back anyway. Either way, it’s a win win.
So find all your patience and practice the no contact rule as long as you can. Usually if it is meant to be, fate steps in and your paths cross again. In the meantime, read Bob Grant’s book that goes in to great detail of how the no contact rule works and exactly what you should do as a last resort. I can honestly say that book has saved me and many other women from making an ass out of ourselves and looking like a crazy woman.