So you’ve been with your man for that magical number – whether it’s one week, one month, or one year. You’ve come to the point in your relationship where you are comfortable around each other, and know each other better than almost anyone else. But then, something happens that makes you question everything you’ve built – he forgets your anniversary.
It may be as simple as him coming home and not saying anything to you when you’re expecting him to bring flowers, chocolates, or a dinner – something special. Or it may go as far as you doing something special for him, and him being completely flummoxed – because he didn’t know that there was anything special about this date. Either way, the feeling that hits you will be devastating.
It may seem trifling at first, mainly because it’s “just a date”. The problem is that’ it’s not – your anniversary, for you, represents the time when you first began to express your feelings for each other, and got to know each other as more than friends. As a result, your anniversary represents your whole relationship, and forgetting it is tantamount to forgetting everything that the two of you have experienced together and everything that you feel about each other.
However, when he forgets your anniversary, you don’t have to despair – it’s important to approach the situation objectively, and try to preserve your relationship if at all possible. If you want to know how to make sense of this situation and what you should do to move forward, read on. Here are some things to keep in mind when he forgets your anniversary:
1. Take a deep breath.
Upon the first realization that he has forgotten the significance of this date, make sure to check your emotions and remain calm. If you overreact at this point, you will most likely regret it later; instead, make sure to remain rational and think about the situation calmly. Try counting backwards from ten or twenty, and do breathing exercises to keep your stress levels in check.
2. Consider that people are different.
Not everyone thinks of two things in the exact same way. For you, dates may be very important, even crucial; if this date is your anniversary, then every year that date is sacred, and it essentially stands for everything that is valuable to you in your relationship. However, he might not see it that way; for him, dates might not really be that important. The key is to put yourself in his shoes and try to see it from his perspective; as a result, don’t take it too seriously when he forgets your anniversary, because it may just be how his mind works.
3. Imagine your relationship as a whole.
It’s not just your anniversary that matters to the two of you (or hopefully, it’s not all that matters) – you have weeks, months, or years of being together to build on, and as a result, more binds you together than just a simple date on the calendar. If he forgets your anniversary, think of everything that you have shared and especially picture the ways that he has shown that he cares about you other than giving you flowers one day out of the year. There are plenty of other ways that he can show that you mean something to him, so evaluate the ways that he has done so throughout your relationship.
4. See if it’s part of a pattern.
Although all of the above tips have focused on not overreacting to your man forgetting your relationship, there are some situations in which it can actually be a sign of a larger problem. The key is context; how does it fit into his overall character and his approach towards your relationship? If he does plenty of other sweet things to show that he cares about you, then forgetting one date really doesn’t mean much in the long term. However, if his forgetting is part of a long string of indiscretions – from standing you up to having questionable relationships to other people to failing to show any kind of concern for you – then maybe it’s time to realize that the relationship isn’t working. Try to analyze the meaning of this incident in the overall scheme of things to determine your next course of action.
5. Talk to him about it.
No matter what conclusions you come to based on following the tips listed above, you should talk to your man about what is going on so that you can make sure you are on the same page. If you are upset that he forgot your anniversary, tell him – it’s better than being passive-aggressive and leaving him wondering what he did wrong. And if you truly feel like he does not care about you, let him know – maybe he will change, and maybe he will break it off for good and let you feel free to move on to better things.